Listening to Build Supporting Statements
In moments of disagreement or rising tension, conversations can easily stall or break down. That’s where a verbal skill called “supporting statements” can help. Early in my teacher leadership career, I learned how these statements act as a bridge—keeping the dialogue open and productive. A supporting statement doesn’t necessarily mean agreement; it reflects understanding. It communicates: “I hear you, and I respect that your thinking has value—even if I’m seeing things differently.”
Example
Teacher Statement: Parents need to provide the motivation and/or the requirement that their student complete the out-of-class assignments and homework.
Supporting statement Response: Parent engagement in students’ commitment to completing assignments provides strong support for greater student learning and confidence building. Some of our students’ parents are facing personal or financial struggles that can make consistent support more difficult.”
The real power of a supporting statement lies in what precedes it: listening—not surface listening, but what Marlene Chism and others call radical listening. Chism, in her article “Executive Communication: The Hard Skill Hiding in Plain Sight“, describes radical listening.
“Listening is easy when the message is agreeable. It’s harder when you’re challenged, provoked or triggered. That’s where radical listening comes in. Radical listening means staying grounded when your instincts scream to defend, dominate, or disengage. It means listening for alignment, not ammunition. It means pausing before reacting, so you can choose the right path forward. Radical listening is an act of self-management and self-regulation, which takes discipline and inner work. But that work pays off: Leaders who master radical listening can redirect conversations, coach more effectively and reduce reactivity in others.”
When we listen only to refute, debate, or convince, we miss opportunities to validate others’ experiences and perspectives. Supporting statements become almost impossible. But when we listen for alignment rather than ammunition, we open the door to real dialogue. We shift from reaction to reflection.
The first part of a supporting statement might sound like this:
“You’ve obviously put a lot of thought into this, and I can see why you feel strongly about it.”
“You’re concerned about how fast this change is moving. That’s important for us to consider.”
“You’re raising a valid point about equity—thank you for surfacing that.”
These statements at times show agreement but more importantly they communicate respect. Respect paves the way for further thinking, deeper questioning, and mutual learning. In an earlier post, “Facilitating Productive Conflict,” I explored how conflict, when approached with curiosity rather than avoidance, can strengthen relationships and decision-making. The same principle applies here: supporting statements begin when we listen not just to what is being said, but to the meaning behind it. What values are being expressed? What experiences might be shaping this person’s perspective?
Chism states that radical listening is an act of self-management. That resonates with what I see in effective coaching and leadership: the best communicators aren’t the loudest or most convincing, they’re the most present. They slow the conversation down, they manage their emotions, and they make space for others.
The second part of the supporting statement provides information for the other person to consider. The slowing down and the respect for their response encourages them to listen and hopefully consider the additional information you provided. Let’s look back at the earlier example.
Teacher Statement: Parents need to provide the motivation and/or the requirement that students complete the out-of-class assignments and homework.
Supporting statement Response: Parent engagement in students’ commitment to completing assignments provides support for greater student learning and confidence building. (The teacher hears that you heard her thinking and that you recognize the important role parents can play) Some of our students’ parents are facing personal or financial struggles that can make consistent support more difficult.” (Hearing the statement about some parents perhaps wanting to support but being overwhelmed with other issues and unable to have that engagement with schoolwork, may extend the teacher’s empathy.)
Another key to effective supporting statements is watching your connectors. Words like but or however can cancel out the respect or validation you’ve just offered. A post, “Practicing Effective Communication: ‘But’ vs. ‘And’ Statements,” provides many examples of how replacing but with and can positively impact communications. Here is a very clear example:
“Sam, you made good progress this year, but I know you still can improve.”
Sam may tune out after “but.” The message feels like a backhanded compliment.
“Sam, you made good progress this year, and I know you can keep improving.”
“And” keeps the statement constructive and collaborative.
The use of “And” connects the two statements more positively and gives one a feeling of being on the same team. I have also found that I can end the first statement with a period, pause shortly, and then start the second statement.
As a coach, school leader, or team member, you can build your capacity for using supporting statements by asking yourself:
- What did I just hear that I can acknowledge as thoughtful, important, or heartfelt?
- What might this person need from me right now: validation, clarity, space to think aloud?
- Am I listening to understand—or to respond?
Supporting statements don’t end the conversation—they move it forward. Sincere, radical listening sets the stage for a supporting statement response. In times of change, disagreement, or uncertainty, the supporting statements is an essential leadership tool. It begins with listening.
