I am working with a group of teacher leaders who are in the midst of a school year coming toward a close while a number of changes are unfolding as they look ahead to the next school year. Changes include administrative leadership, policies, budget, and academic program. Several of these leaders described a sense of uncertainty in the best way to respond to statements or questions that colleagues raise to them. I presented a possible strategy of paraphrasing to identify feelings/emotions and thinking/attitudes. Then responding with empathy or support statements.
The first step is to listen to the words the colleague uses (noting the body language and voice tone, and considering past experiences with the individual) to identify and then paraphrase either a feeling/emotion or thinking/attitude you believe is present.
Examples:
“No one is understanding how that budget will impact my program.“
Paraphrase Feeling- You are worried that a smaller
budget would impact elements of your program that have been important.
Paraphrase Attitude- You feel that your voice isn’t being heard by decision-makers.
“I’m afraid we are losing some history and culture of our school.”
Paraphrase Feeling- Sounds like you are a little sad to see some things change.
Paraphrase Attitude- You think there are some important things from our past that are important to keep.
Listening and perhaps additional paraphrases will suggest continuing with empathy or support statements.
Examples:
“No one is understanding how that budget will impact my program.“
Paraphrase Feeling- You are worried that a smaller budget would impact elements of your program that have been important.-
(After confirmation)
Empathy Statement -Not knowing is stressful. Working together we can tackle the issues that arise.
“No one is understanding how that budget will impact my program.“
Paraphrase Attitude- You feel that your voice isn’t being heard by decision-makers.
(After confirmation)
Support Statement- It is important that everyone’s input is heard. Difficult decisions will need to be made from some conflicting views.
“I’m afraid we are losing some history and culture of our school.“
Paraphrase Feeling- Sounds like you are a little sad to see some things change.
(After confirmation)
Empathy Statement- Some grieving is often felt as part of changes. Changes can bring new unexpected positive possibilities too.
“I’m afraid we are losing some history and culture of our school.“
Paraphrase Attitude- You think there are some important things from our past that are important to keep.
(After confirmation)
Supporting Statement- There are important pieces of our culture to capture. How might we explore those as a staff? Would a survey be a starting point?
This process requires listening and communicating that you are listening with a desire to understand. It requires listening without a need to fix something or the need to change the other person’s emotions or thinking. It means listening without feeling defensive.
It can be easy for teacher leaders to feel a “pressure” to show agreement with a colleague and support the school leadership when the two may seem to be at odds with each other. In such cases, I find myself needing to take a mental step backward. Feeling pressured or defensive, I am likely to respond from my feelings at that time when I’d be better off responding with some thought. Listening and building a paraphrase or two slows me down. Listening and mentally labeling an emotion or a thought, I slow down again. Slowing down improves my listening and my responses.
“By listening to others, you show them respect. You let them know that you care about what they’re saying and that you value their perspective. When you show respect to others, they will show it back to you as well.”
